What’s right? What’s wrong? What’s moral? What’s immoral? Philosophers have been racking their brains for centuries to reach a conclusion for these enigmas. Cutting across the realms of Physics and Philosophy these questions sure have answers, though not unanimous. Thus we have: “It’s all relative”, “there’s no absolute truth” and the much mundane “morality is the lack of opportunity” and so on. Feminists often make much hue and cry over the double standards in morality. In an interview in ‘Star Dust’ Gul Panag breathes fire against this discrimination (Who is Gul Panag? Your guess is as good as mine. However she seems adequately sane). According to her, “if a man had to flaunt his conquests he’s a stud, and if a woman were to do that she’s a slut obviously”. One of my friend, an absolute play boy, who is all set to go to UK to do his MBA and make some ‘foreign collaboration’, always wanted to marry a girl from his village. The reason: He wants his wife to be chaste with her hymen in tact. (Yet another supposition that 100% girls from villages and semi-urban areas remain virgins since there is no ‘pub-going, party-going and boozing’ [sic]).
Pre-marital and extra-marital affairs exist in our society, if to say it mildly and politely. But a mere mention of these topics is enough to invite the wrath of moral brigade. When a bachelor maintains a physical relationship with a married woman, and though a narrow section of the society, mainly his friends, are aware of it, it never goes beyond listening to the usual graphic description of the lusty details. But when the same guy elopes with the woman, it all changes. He even stops to be a friend for some.
Recently a friend of mine did it with a married woman with whom he has been ‘in touch’ for quite some time. Though some of us were aware of it, his ‘beginning-a-new-life-with-a-married-woman’ (it’s her third marriage) startled all of us without a single exception. It seemed a Gordian knot. Since shock was the prevailing mood, hardly spoke anyone on day 1. But within 24 hours the mood changed drastically. For me it still remains an enigma that the collective response was almost same though we all come from different backgrounds. We lampooned and ridiculed him. We sympathized towards his family, especially his mother. We wondered how he would make a living.
As per the complaint from the woman’s family both of them were taken to the Police Station. Reportedly, everyone present, including the policemen, forced him to ‘get out of the trap he’s in’. But the ‘fool’ remained adamant. His version (of course reportedly): ‘If I wash my hands out of this she will have to go to the streets’. (Oom chivalric he is).
Now, the question I’ve been asking myself is which is wrong? His secret affair or his public acceptance of it culminated in their living together. (Here I can’t help leaving the woman aside. Why she did it? How stable she could be when it comes to a relationship? Is it worth trusting such a woman? These are not my concern since I hardly know anything about her. And to speak purely of the morality of her gesture, I’m afraid it will be a never ending exercise).
A majority has the opinion that he ‘shouldn’t have gone this far’. In other words he remained an adorable stud until he made the blunder of going public over the relationship.
Must we be all filthy hypocrites to maintain such double standards of morality in life? Is there public and private morality? How much one needs to care about one’s family and friends before taking important decisions? I don’t have an answer for any of these. My head is flooded with angry voices from friends and acquaintances. But I don’t have any plans to judge him. It’s not because there’s no point in crying over spilt milk. It’s because of the feeling, ‘who am I to judge’?
How many of us are capable of taking decisions only after pondering over or taking into consideration of everything/everyone around us? How many of us think of Jean Paul Sartre and his doctrine of ‘being responsible’ while in the heat of the moment? Though we have been ‘taught’ to act wisely, or familiar with philosophical preaching, at moments of passion don’t a majority get derailed? Is it enough to prove that man take decisions- or is it correct to say, ‘reach to decisions’- not on the basis of his acquired knowledge rather ‘wisdom’, but on the basis of ‘idiotic’ impulses?
There are soothsayers who predict nothing less than doom for the couple. I could only wish them to be wrong. But leaving aside all the big questions and approach it on a personal front I don’t find much to cheer about. For this friend of mine is too lazy to do anything. He prefers reading, churning out poems, drinking, smoking, pan chewing…But still I keep my hope, though against hope, that he would change with this incident, a better change. For I’ve read, heard and seen changes the female of the species can brings in. Long live the duo.
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