“Sorry I don’t have…”

“Sorry I don’t have one”, “sorry I don’t carry one”. How often I utter these are anybody’s guess. O.K. I’ll tell you what I’m talking about for it is no whodunit to build up any suspense. But before that let me make an effort in listing the countless expressions on people’s faces as they listen to me in utter disbelief: arching eyebrows, shrinking brow, gape, widening eyes, efforts to conceal shock…an endless list of course.

It all generated from a single query and my answer to it; “what’s your mobile number”? Yup, I’m yet to go mobile. Nope, I don’t have any plans to go mobile unless it becomes a matter of life and death. But people just won’t buy it normally. They just start to stare at me as if I have said something unparliamentarily. Am I a nerd or a bohemian? Nay, at least I don’t think so. Of course I always have problems to adapt myself to the changing times, especially in technical matters. Though reluctantly I made myself familiar with computers. Years back I created a hotmail account for me. Then indiatimes. Then I hopped into yahoo messenger, gmail, gtalk, orkut and here stands me the blogger. I used to spend my midnights wading through the likes of Nikos Kazantsakis, Franz Kafka, Immanuel Kant or Anand, but nowadays I glide through cyberspace, like the kid who has a magical carpet. It’s an enormous trip from trivial jokes to mind-boggling puzzles. From Philosophy to Fantasy. From Antarctica to Erotica. Old friends often turn up in orkut with those customary greetings of the halcyon days; “aliayaaaa...”, “machooo…”, or just “daaa…” or “koooooy”. I’m not the one to say whether bonds are getting stronger or not. But the sudden surfacing of ‘long-lost’ friends and the tide of emotions it brings in, Oh what surprises life have for you. By the pace friends anchor in orkut it may even possible to locate one’s ‘girlfriend’ of yore, possibly settled in some exotic land with a couple of kids and the money minting machine of a husband. Oops, I just forgot what I was talking about.

So it’s become a matter of concern, not for me, but for the people around. Acquaint with some one or visit an old friend. Once pleasantries are exchanged, he would take his ‘cell’ and without even looking at me he would ask for my ‘number’. The moment I reveal it, all hell broke lose, “what?”, “you said you don’t have a mobile”. The next thing I would be forced to bear is a detailed description of different ‘plans’ and a torrent of jargons: ‘talk time’, ‘free incoming’, ‘lifelong subscription’, ‘postpaid’ ‘pre-paid’. “Hey man ---------- offers 6oo minutes of free talk time yaar?” So what? “Am I supposed to call the vegetable vendor and asks his opinion on the fluctuation in vegetable prices during the Cauvery crisis? A recent report says that Kerala pays more than 2000 crores annually to telecom companies for going mobile. How much amount of these might’ve generated from matters of ‘serious’ concern?

Is ‘cell’ an ‘unavoidable’ accessory? I know people who show uncontrollable symptoms of panic if they have to part with their cell phones for a few hours, let alone days. The matter here is a sense of ‘losing connectivity’ a ‘born-loner’ like me never understands. Then there’s the young generation who flash their latest version mobile phones at just about everywhere. Let me confess, even I enjoy ‘Ghulam Ali’ or ‘Enigma’ flowing out of cell phones while hustling, bustling and elbowing each other on a packed train. But it’s no music to ears when “‘aabhi jaa aabhi jaa…” being belted out when you are at a place where people lament the loss of a near / dear one.

No one denies that cell phone helps you connect with friends, family etc. But does it help to enhance bonds is a bone of contention. Watch a cell phone user from the moment onwards when they get a call. All of a sudden they became engaged and being led to certain directions. This ‘being led’ is a unique feature of cell phone users, even if it’s a crowded or narrow place most of them can be seen to make spaces of their own and pacing up and down. People who fell to death from rooftops with out parapets while talking in cell phones made news though rarely. Besides the ‘mobility’ element what makes people ‘shun’ their surroundings and move to an exclusive territory as soon as they get a call? I think the nature of relation ship has a key role here. No more a boyfriend needs to worry the baritone of ‘her-dad-the-retired-major’ at the other end since she has a mobile and he has direct access to her. Mobile’s sure pave for new relationships ie new age relationships. It’s very hard to find people who do not use mobile phones either at one stage or the other in life. At my office I alone fall to this category. And the reasons I cite for not going mobile vary from ‘radiation’ to ‘can’t-learn-using-it-yaar’.

If findings of a survey is to be believed more than 50% of mobile numbers appear among toilet graffiti on trains are correct. That’s numbers addressed to ‘pleasure-seekers’ are provided by gangs indulge in prostitution. When clips of school children making out or actresses taking bath spread through mobiles, queries were being raised about our very own existence as a people. ‘Do Indians are matured enough to use these gadgets?’ Fortunately, so far this query is raised by Indians only.

I don’t use a mobile phone because I don’t feel the urge to be connected always and not because I’m an antisocial. But there are more specific reasons to list.

1 I hate to be startled by the ‘treem-treem’ of a mobile while strolling alone on a Sunday evening. (I consider myself fortunate for not killing an ex-colleague for he suggested ‘instead of ‘treem-treem’ keep one song as your ring tone yaar’).

2 It’s unimaginable to get a call from home when I’m high on rum and is in the midst of ‘tinkling sound of glasses at the bar’.

3 I’m afraid my workaholic boss will trace me and wake me up at unearthly hours.

4 For the sheer pleasure of not being traced.

5 Finally, as technology advances new methods will be implemented in all spheres of life and death. Yes, death. Yama may send you a summons via internet or may call you on your mobile. In the fist case one can choose not to open the mail unless he wishes to die. But what if you get a text/vocal message on your mobile ordering an immediate summons. So folks think about that too before wielding your latest gadget in your effort to be techno-savvy.
PS: Though I have always ruled out the possibility of me using a mobile, I keep one song to use as my ring tone. I think it’s time to disclose it; ‘hello’ by Lionel Richie.

“Hello is it me you’re looking for?
Tell me how win your heart
for I haven’t got the clue
but let me start by saying I love you…”

So folks, hopeless romantics what ye think about that?